My Mother in Law is friendly, kind and nurturing. I've never had any spat with her. She has never intruded in my marriage or parenting.
But there is always this elephant in the room when we are together. You see, I'm married to her youngest son. She has 5. So there are 4 daughter in laws before me. Three of the daughter in laws call her "Mom". Ugh. I just can't do it.
I was friends with my husband for several years before we began dating. I knew his parents. I knew one of his brothers fairly well. My friends and I were in and out of their house just as Ironman was in and out of mine. I referred to his mother as Mrs.. I grew up in a time before children called adults Miss Cindy or Miss Debbie. My mother's friends were Mrs. Landry or Mrs. Hamilton. I did not call adults by their first name. Oh no. Are you kidding? That would never be tolerated. To this very day when my mother and I are catching up on news she will refer to her friends that way. So that I'll know who they are, I guess. I mean, by now I've come to realize these ladies have first names but I better not call them that. I better use their formal name. At least when my own mother is around.
All that being said, I was perfectly comfortable calling Ironman's mother "Mrs. Campbell". It felt right. A few of Ironman's friends called her "Miss Susan" but that….. well, it just wasn't for me.
When Ironman and I became engaged, his mother sat with me one day and came right out and asked me not to call her "Mrs Campbell" anymore. Her reason was that she referred to her own MIL by that name and always felt very distant from her. She didn't want us to have that kind of formal relationship. Okay, that was fine. I appreciated her telling me. But wow, that would……. that was a challenge. I tried calling her by her first name. But it felt so awkward.
Meanwhile my SILs called her MOM. MOM? She's not my MOM. I don't even call my own Mom MOM. I just can't do it.
I've asked 2 of my closest girlfriends about this dilemma. Both of them told me "Oh no, she's not your mom. That's putting so much pressure on you" Ugh.
Remember that Everybody Love Raymond episode where Debra and Ray are having the same problem? And Debra tries to call Marie "Mom"? Remember what happened? Marie looks at her with a shocked expression and says "That's alright dear"
I know what Dr. Phil would say He's probably say "How's that working for you" Or he'd say, "What do you want from your MIL" It's not working…. or maybe it is. I don't know. But what do I want from her? I'd like her to go easy on me. I'd like her to make it easy on me. Give me a little slack. She is fully aware of the distant relationship I have with my own mother. In fact, she's tried to fix it. Oh gosh, a story for another day. I'd like her to acknowledge that I'm trying but that it's not easy. I feel as if I'm being graded in a way. How about some bonus points for effort?
Just in case you're wondering, I have tried to call her by her first name. It's awkward but I just DO IT. Most of the time, though, I call her "Meme". It definitely got easier when my babies began calling her that.
I will one day be a mother in law. I honestly do not care what I'm called. It's their choice.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
The Day My Daughter Lost My Trust
I still have a headache and it's been 5 days. I don't even know where to begin to tell you what happened. But I will say that I feel angry, scared, panicked, embarrassed, frustrated and protective. Mostly protective. Like a Momma Bear.
So here's what happened. Dancer Girl is in her first year of high school and enjoying all the things that go with being a student at a large high school. She's always been an easy going girl who is friends with everybody. If you ask her who she eats lunch with she'll answer "I just sit anywhere. I'm friends with everybody so it doesn't matter." She's sweet and trusting and outgoing and athletic and pretty. She's never given us any reason to not trust her. We are aware that she's only 15. It's not like we drop her off at the casino or anything! It also helps that our two older children gave us zero trouble during the teenage years. Sure they were messy and lazy and forgetful. But they both were excellent students who were responsible and kind. I guess that lulled me into a naiveté sleep.
I'm awake now. Wide awake.
Dancer Girl is a member of the girls' lacrosse team at her school. She has tournaments several times a month that Ironman and I both attend. Apparently during one of these tournaments she met a boy through another girl on the team and gave him her phone number. (trust me, that'll never happen again) The texting blitz began. Over the next couple of weeks they exchanged thousands of texts. Thousands. I know what you're thinking "uh….did you not notice?" She's a texting machine. And she has dozens of friends. If I asked her who she was texting and she answered "Maria" or "Alice" or "Janelle" I trusted that she was telling me the truth. Many times I checked her phone. The texts consisted of homework help all the way to silly nonsense things. What I did not know was that she was lying to me and using another texting app knowing I wouldn't recognize it as a communication tool. Yep, paint me yellow for STUPID.
A week ago I took Dancer Girl and 3 of her friends to a boys' lacrosse game. They knew most of the boys on this team and had attended the same school for years so I agreed to take them. I made it clear I was going to go TO THE GAME. I was not going to just drop them off. And so that's what we did. There was a medium group of students there and I sat within ear shot but did my best to make myself invisible. Little did I know that texting boy was in that group. Leaving the game he was right there on the sidewalk as we all exited the stadium. I had no reason to be concerned. I'm usually much more intuitive than that……
Saturday comes and Dancer Girl tells me she's going outside to wall LAX balls. (hit balls up against the side of our house) Not unusual. She's done that often. I can hear the ball as it hits the wall so I know she's right there. We live in a quiet neighborhood and feel perfectly safe.
My daughter comes back inside and tells me she's going to run a mile. That is also not unusual. We have a park inside our neighborhood development that measures a 1/2 mile. So she was going to go around twice. Little did I know that she had arranged to meet TEXT BOY at the park. OMG. Just typing that out scares me to death. TO DEATH. And here's the thing - I felt suspicious. But I swallowed it. I just had a feeling…… and I ignored it.
Two minutes later Ironman comes through the room and is informed that our daughter has gone running so he walks out on the front porch to watch for her. When he can't see her immediately he comes back in, slips on some shoes and tells me he's going to find her. At that very minute I notice her cell phone sitting in the chair and so I reach for it to do my check. My occasional check. Which I had neglected. This time I saw the texts between her and TEXT BOY. She obviously had not deleted it. It detailed their plans to meet. I felt like I was in a dream when you want to scream but nothing comes out. In the 2 minutes it took me read and decipher what I was reading, Ironman came back in and I could hear the LAX practice resuming. I started reading the texts out loud to him. He was silent.
Our daughter was ushered into the kitchen and I read the texts out loud to her. She froze. My heart had not started to beat again. Not yet. I was stunned. I was panicked. Ironman began methodically and calmly - Yes, CALMLY - which I couldn't believe asking her every detail.
The question that shook our world:
Ironman: "How did he get to our neighborhood? He lives clear across the city"
Daughter; His Dad drove him.
Ironman: His Dad dropped him off? In our neighborhood/
Daughter: His Dad brought him to our house and drove around the neighborhood while Texting Boy and I snuck off to the other side of the park where nobody could see us.
OH.MY.GOD!!
I looked at my husband………..CALL THE POLICE. That's all I wanted to say. OH GOD OH GOD. What has happened? WHAT IN THE WORLD?
I was so angry. And so panicked. And so……………. Offended. Yes, offended that another adult - this boy's father - aided and abided this STUPID DECISION by two STUPID ADOLESCENTS.
What did we do next?
After a lot and I mean A LOT of talking…..
1. She is not allowed to be out of our sight. Ever. Ever.
2. Verizon has set her cell phone to only be able to communicate with SAFE CONTACTS. Which, for right now, is her Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister. And that's it.
3. No computer time except to do homework and I will SIT NEXT TO HER as she's online.
4. No weekend plans with friends. Zero. None.
I told her that I realize she can sneak behind my back. Even though I don't think she can bypass the parent guards on her cell phone, she might be able to. BUT!…WHEN I find out that she has tampered with those settings OR if she has any communication with Texter Boy whatsoever she will NOT get her driver's license this summer. In fact, she will have to wait an entire year.
This scared us to death. I'm not sure that my daughter realizes how much it scared me. One day I think I'll be able to say it was a GOOD thing that it happened because it sure did wake me up from my slumber. But I'm not there yet. I'm still scared.
And, by the way, Dad of Texter Boy? I hope I meet you one day. Because I have a few things to say you need to hear.
So here's what happened. Dancer Girl is in her first year of high school and enjoying all the things that go with being a student at a large high school. She's always been an easy going girl who is friends with everybody. If you ask her who she eats lunch with she'll answer "I just sit anywhere. I'm friends with everybody so it doesn't matter." She's sweet and trusting and outgoing and athletic and pretty. She's never given us any reason to not trust her. We are aware that she's only 15. It's not like we drop her off at the casino or anything! It also helps that our two older children gave us zero trouble during the teenage years. Sure they were messy and lazy and forgetful. But they both were excellent students who were responsible and kind. I guess that lulled me into a naiveté sleep.
I'm awake now. Wide awake.
Dancer Girl is a member of the girls' lacrosse team at her school. She has tournaments several times a month that Ironman and I both attend. Apparently during one of these tournaments she met a boy through another girl on the team and gave him her phone number. (trust me, that'll never happen again) The texting blitz began. Over the next couple of weeks they exchanged thousands of texts. Thousands. I know what you're thinking "uh….did you not notice?" She's a texting machine. And she has dozens of friends. If I asked her who she was texting and she answered "Maria" or "Alice" or "Janelle" I trusted that she was telling me the truth. Many times I checked her phone. The texts consisted of homework help all the way to silly nonsense things. What I did not know was that she was lying to me and using another texting app knowing I wouldn't recognize it as a communication tool. Yep, paint me yellow for STUPID.
A week ago I took Dancer Girl and 3 of her friends to a boys' lacrosse game. They knew most of the boys on this team and had attended the same school for years so I agreed to take them. I made it clear I was going to go TO THE GAME. I was not going to just drop them off. And so that's what we did. There was a medium group of students there and I sat within ear shot but did my best to make myself invisible. Little did I know that texting boy was in that group. Leaving the game he was right there on the sidewalk as we all exited the stadium. I had no reason to be concerned. I'm usually much more intuitive than that……
Saturday comes and Dancer Girl tells me she's going outside to wall LAX balls. (hit balls up against the side of our house) Not unusual. She's done that often. I can hear the ball as it hits the wall so I know she's right there. We live in a quiet neighborhood and feel perfectly safe.
My daughter comes back inside and tells me she's going to run a mile. That is also not unusual. We have a park inside our neighborhood development that measures a 1/2 mile. So she was going to go around twice. Little did I know that she had arranged to meet TEXT BOY at the park. OMG. Just typing that out scares me to death. TO DEATH. And here's the thing - I felt suspicious. But I swallowed it. I just had a feeling…… and I ignored it.
Two minutes later Ironman comes through the room and is informed that our daughter has gone running so he walks out on the front porch to watch for her. When he can't see her immediately he comes back in, slips on some shoes and tells me he's going to find her. At that very minute I notice her cell phone sitting in the chair and so I reach for it to do my check. My occasional check. Which I had neglected. This time I saw the texts between her and TEXT BOY. She obviously had not deleted it. It detailed their plans to meet. I felt like I was in a dream when you want to scream but nothing comes out. In the 2 minutes it took me read and decipher what I was reading, Ironman came back in and I could hear the LAX practice resuming. I started reading the texts out loud to him. He was silent.
Our daughter was ushered into the kitchen and I read the texts out loud to her. She froze. My heart had not started to beat again. Not yet. I was stunned. I was panicked. Ironman began methodically and calmly - Yes, CALMLY - which I couldn't believe asking her every detail.
The question that shook our world:
Ironman: "How did he get to our neighborhood? He lives clear across the city"
Daughter; His Dad drove him.
Ironman: His Dad dropped him off? In our neighborhood/
Daughter: His Dad brought him to our house and drove around the neighborhood while Texting Boy and I snuck off to the other side of the park where nobody could see us.
OH.MY.GOD!!
I looked at my husband………..CALL THE POLICE. That's all I wanted to say. OH GOD OH GOD. What has happened? WHAT IN THE WORLD?
I was so angry. And so panicked. And so……………. Offended. Yes, offended that another adult - this boy's father - aided and abided this STUPID DECISION by two STUPID ADOLESCENTS.
What did we do next?
After a lot and I mean A LOT of talking…..
1. She is not allowed to be out of our sight. Ever. Ever.
2. Verizon has set her cell phone to only be able to communicate with SAFE CONTACTS. Which, for right now, is her Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister. And that's it.
3. No computer time except to do homework and I will SIT NEXT TO HER as she's online.
4. No weekend plans with friends. Zero. None.
I told her that I realize she can sneak behind my back. Even though I don't think she can bypass the parent guards on her cell phone, she might be able to. BUT!…WHEN I find out that she has tampered with those settings OR if she has any communication with Texter Boy whatsoever she will NOT get her driver's license this summer. In fact, she will have to wait an entire year.
This scared us to death. I'm not sure that my daughter realizes how much it scared me. One day I think I'll be able to say it was a GOOD thing that it happened because it sure did wake me up from my slumber. But I'm not there yet. I'm still scared.
And, by the way, Dad of Texter Boy? I hope I meet you one day. Because I have a few things to say you need to hear.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
With a spring in her step...
HELLO SUNSHINE!
It's official. The sun is shining outside and it makes me want to dance. I've had so much energy these last few shiny days. You won't believe everything I've accomplished.
And……. these are seeds. That's right. Our vegetable garden is going to be spectacular!! I even have a garden marker project on my mind. I think I'll do it tomorrow.
Meanwhile, inside my house…..
I stripped all the pillows in my house. The decorative, fluffy, sofa pillows. They've been the same for years and I'm ready for a change! So I pulled off all the cover, ran by Hobby Lobby and grabbed pretty fabric. This afternoon I whipped up all these pillow covers! I started at 11:30 and was completely finished by 2:30. (the solid pillow took the most time because of the trim) But really, for less than $40 it was worth it.
This pillow, in particular, was inspired by Pottery Barn.
See? Love pottery barn. But I save my money to buy things there that are one of a kind. If I can sew it or copy it….. it's just so satisfying!
I've also been doing a lot of cooking. Since Ironman and I gave up "factory food" and now eat only whole food, I've been cooking much more. So much more! Which means I've had to clean up the kitchen much more. WAY WAY MUCH MORE! It's exhausting! So I've learned to double up everything. It's just as easy to roast 2 chickens as it is to roast one. So I double up.
Chicken Noodle Vegetable Soup. I made enough for several lunches. I don't want to have to stop during the day to prepare myself a quick meal. Besides, this recipe is DELICIOUS
Ironman and I are eating whole foods nowadays. Nothing made in a factory. I've learned to read labels. I do glance at the nutritional information, but nowadays I pay very close attention to the ingredients. More than 5? Or 6? ingredients? It stays at the store.
Hello Spring! I'm so glad you made it.
It's official. The sun is shining outside and it makes me want to dance. I've had so much energy these last few shiny days. You won't believe everything I've accomplished.
Look at the little garden we have in our backyard. Well, right now it's DIRT. But soon enough it'll be bursting with delicious fruits and veggies.
And……. these are seeds. That's right. Our vegetable garden is going to be spectacular!! I even have a garden marker project on my mind. I think I'll do it tomorrow.
Meanwhile, inside my house…..
I stripped all the pillows in my house. The decorative, fluffy, sofa pillows. They've been the same for years and I'm ready for a change! So I pulled off all the cover, ran by Hobby Lobby and grabbed pretty fabric. This afternoon I whipped up all these pillow covers! I started at 11:30 and was completely finished by 2:30. (the solid pillow took the most time because of the trim) But really, for less than $40 it was worth it.
This pillow, in particular, was inspired by Pottery Barn.
See? Love pottery barn. But I save my money to buy things there that are one of a kind. If I can sew it or copy it….. it's just so satisfying!
I've also been doing a lot of cooking. Since Ironman and I gave up "factory food" and now eat only whole food, I've been cooking much more. So much more! Which means I've had to clean up the kitchen much more. WAY WAY MUCH MORE! It's exhausting! So I've learned to double up everything. It's just as easy to roast 2 chickens as it is to roast one. So I double up.
Ironman and I are eating whole foods nowadays. Nothing made in a factory. I've learned to read labels. I do glance at the nutritional information, but nowadays I pay very close attention to the ingredients. More than 5? Or 6? ingredients? It stays at the store.
Hello Spring! I'm so glad you made it.
Friday, March 14, 2014
BOO!
Did I scare ya?
Ha!
It has been a looonngg time since I've posted to this blog. I could say it's because I've been just so so busy. Or I could blame it on the weather or the family or commitments. But the truth is, I just haven't been in the mood. Plain and simple. I just couldn't pile another commitment onto my day. Whoops. There I go blaming commitments. Guess I gotta blame something!
So how the heck have ya been?
I've been b……whoops. Almost said it. Let's just say I've been thinking, creating, wondering, figuring and exploring.
Things I've been thinking:
*What has happened to that missing Malaysia flight? Mysterious
*How can I organize my kitchen shelving so all those dishes can fit? ALL THOSE DISHES! Have I mentioned I love dishes? And glassware and serving ware. Oh, and teacups.
When will somebody step up and stop the madness with Justin? And Miley?
*A few weeks ago it was all over the internet that (gasp) Adele is only one year older than Taylor. I got the drift that it was a "cut" to Swifty. Well, let me say it's not ALWAYS good to look 10 years older than your age. So I say Adele is the loser in this fight. She looks like an old lady. Not good.
Things I've been creating:
About 6 weeks ago I finally pulled out my embroidery machine. Oh how I love Emmy. That's what I call her. Don't you name your mechanical children? Martha (my sewing mating) and Emmy (my embroidery machine) have been catching up on each other's lives. I've made napkins, curtains, pillow covers, and headbands. All personalized. By the way, want to change the look of a room in one day? Pillow covers and curtains. Bam. You got yourself a whole new room. And really, less than $100.
Things I've been wondering:
*Why do people enjoy decorating with burlap?
Things I've been figuring out:
*How to complete everything I want to do into one day. Into a daily schedule. Work out, tidy up, clean up, laundry, groceries, cooking, pay bills, garden, sew and STILL have enough energy at the end of the day to help with calculus, clean up some more, gather supplies for every……. should I go on?
And now to the exploring:
I'm planning a surprise birthday trip for my soon to be 16 year old. She has no idea. NO IDEA! She knows that her brother and sister are going hiking for a week in Yosemite. Sure, she was invited over and over again but had/has no interest in going with them. So I decided to plan a little surprise. One day before her Bro and Sis leave for their adventure, she and I are flying to………….. stay tuned!!
So there you go. I've been missing you all and thinking about you. I'll do better keeping in touch.
Toodles
Ha!
It has been a looonngg time since I've posted to this blog. I could say it's because I've been just so so busy. Or I could blame it on the weather or the family or commitments. But the truth is, I just haven't been in the mood. Plain and simple. I just couldn't pile another commitment onto my day. Whoops. There I go blaming commitments. Guess I gotta blame something!
So how the heck have ya been?
I've been b……whoops. Almost said it. Let's just say I've been thinking, creating, wondering, figuring and exploring.
Things I've been thinking:
*What has happened to that missing Malaysia flight? Mysterious
*How can I organize my kitchen shelving so all those dishes can fit? ALL THOSE DISHES! Have I mentioned I love dishes? And glassware and serving ware. Oh, and teacups.
When will somebody step up and stop the madness with Justin? And Miley?
*A few weeks ago it was all over the internet that (gasp) Adele is only one year older than Taylor. I got the drift that it was a "cut" to Swifty. Well, let me say it's not ALWAYS good to look 10 years older than your age. So I say Adele is the loser in this fight. She looks like an old lady. Not good.
Things I've been creating:
About 6 weeks ago I finally pulled out my embroidery machine. Oh how I love Emmy. That's what I call her. Don't you name your mechanical children? Martha (my sewing mating) and Emmy (my embroidery machine) have been catching up on each other's lives. I've made napkins, curtains, pillow covers, and headbands. All personalized. By the way, want to change the look of a room in one day? Pillow covers and curtains. Bam. You got yourself a whole new room. And really, less than $100.
Things I've been wondering:
*Why do people enjoy decorating with burlap?
Things I've been figuring out:
*How to complete everything I want to do into one day. Into a daily schedule. Work out, tidy up, clean up, laundry, groceries, cooking, pay bills, garden, sew and STILL have enough energy at the end of the day to help with calculus, clean up some more, gather supplies for every……. should I go on?
And now to the exploring:
I'm planning a surprise birthday trip for my soon to be 16 year old. She has no idea. NO IDEA! She knows that her brother and sister are going hiking for a week in Yosemite. Sure, she was invited over and over again but had/has no interest in going with them. So I decided to plan a little surprise. One day before her Bro and Sis leave for their adventure, she and I are flying to………….. stay tuned!!
So there you go. I've been missing you all and thinking about you. I'll do better keeping in touch.
Toodles
Friday, January 17, 2014
No Wonder I'm So Confused
I quit my job May 13, 2013. I was so happy to walk away from that strange land of mixed up ways. I had worked there 2 years and I never figured it out. My greatest concern was SAFETY. Yes, people. Safety. There were other concerns, too, like quality of instruction, individualized lessons and professionalism with the faculty. But safety was the one thing that gave me a rash. I could go on and on with specific examples but let's just say safety was neglected in every way. Anybody could enter the building and roam the halls, no questions asked. Anybody could pick up any kid from carpool whether administration had met them before or not. Big things like that. All the way to the little things like kids climbing on the back of chairs, taking items off the shelves unsupervised. And about that rash. Yes, I actually got a rash that wouldn't go away. All that to say, I'm was ready to quit. I'm glad I quit. I don't miss it.
Before you get the wrong idea, this school is not in the poorest, roughest neighborhood. This is a small private school with the highest tuition charged in the city.
Even though I shudder when I think about the long, long days I spent there DOING NOTHING I still for some reason can not MOVE ON. GET OVER IT. I struggle to find the "what did you learn from it" lesson. I learned……. that I have standards. I learned that some thing are just NOT alright with me. I learned that given the opportunity, I can handle a classroom of 4 year olds with excellence. That's the word. Excellence. I had never been a member of a faculty that didn't strive for it.
Someone once told me the way to get over an old boyfriend is to find a new boyfriend. Maybe that's what I should do. I should find a new job. So I made a list of my skills, experience and interests. It looks something like this:
Skills:
Can clean a house top to bottom in 3 hours
I do windows
Can follow directions. If I had the directions on how to build a space shuttle, I could do it.
Same with recipes.
And songs. I can make up a song on a moment's notice
ability to get things done with no sleep
can do math in my head
Experience:
can live with the same man for 26 years without committing any crime
20 years of working with women without committing any crime
Interests:
Never quitting. I am interested in figuring it out.
My goals for the winter:
Re-learn how to knit.
Keep up the exercise. I really do feel better
Get my eyebrows waxed. Man, they are out of control!
Send my college kids a care package from home
I actually like this unemployment. Keeps me busy
Before you get the wrong idea, this school is not in the poorest, roughest neighborhood. This is a small private school with the highest tuition charged in the city.
Even though I shudder when I think about the long, long days I spent there DOING NOTHING I still for some reason can not MOVE ON. GET OVER IT. I struggle to find the "what did you learn from it" lesson. I learned……. that I have standards. I learned that some thing are just NOT alright with me. I learned that given the opportunity, I can handle a classroom of 4 year olds with excellence. That's the word. Excellence. I had never been a member of a faculty that didn't strive for it.
Someone once told me the way to get over an old boyfriend is to find a new boyfriend. Maybe that's what I should do. I should find a new job. So I made a list of my skills, experience and interests. It looks something like this:
Skills:
Can clean a house top to bottom in 3 hours
I do windows
Can follow directions. If I had the directions on how to build a space shuttle, I could do it.
Same with recipes.
And songs. I can make up a song on a moment's notice
ability to get things done with no sleep
can do math in my head
Experience:
can live with the same man for 26 years without committing any crime
20 years of working with women without committing any crime
Interests:
Never quitting. I am interested in figuring it out.
My goals for the winter:
Re-learn how to knit.
Keep up the exercise. I really do feel better
Get my eyebrows waxed. Man, they are out of control!
Send my college kids a care package from home
I actually like this unemployment. Keeps me busy
Saturday, January 4, 2014
I'm sure it was the guac
Today I had lunch at Jason's Deli. I eat there often. Well, once a month which is "often" for me since I don't eat out that much. But today it was cold. And windy. And I had been sitting all morning. There was a Jason's Deli just across the street and so I just decided. I ordered a cup of chicken noodle soup and 1/2 of a salmon-wich. Why did i order that? I've never had it. EVER. Ironman gets it anytime he's eating at the J.D. It just popped out of my mouth. Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine.
I took my order home. Opened the sandwich. Let me tell you, they should call it a quarter sandwich instead of a half sandwich. Shoot! It was a big as a saltine! I took one little bite. Oh, ugh, the guacamole. I just can't handle avocado. So I scraped off as much as I could. Pulled out just the salmon. At one more bite and that was all I could do. I moved on to the soup.
Things were going fine until about a half hour later.
You know the signs:
sudden fatigue.
dull yet pounding headache
stomach feels bloated
I decided to go lay down. And well, you know what happened. You don't? I puked my guts out! I haven't thrown up that much in…. well, since the last time I was so sick. It wasn't pretty people. I wasn't sure it would ever end. What else is in my stomach? I haven't eaten anything else. Earlier this morning I had oatmeal with blueberries.
You know how it is when you get sick from something you ate. You just know what it is. It wasn't the celery, the berries, the milk, the bread, the dressing, the banana, the dessert……..it was the guacamole dressing on that stupid sandwich. SO AWFUL!
Needless to say I got nothing done today. I started to hang the new curtains in the master bedroom but I was just so tired! I thought about finishing my pillow sham project. But I'm just not in the mood.
Tomorrow is Sunday. The daughters and I are visiting a new church. New to us. I'll let you know how it goes.
Aloha!
I took my order home. Opened the sandwich. Let me tell you, they should call it a quarter sandwich instead of a half sandwich. Shoot! It was a big as a saltine! I took one little bite. Oh, ugh, the guacamole. I just can't handle avocado. So I scraped off as much as I could. Pulled out just the salmon. At one more bite and that was all I could do. I moved on to the soup.
Things were going fine until about a half hour later.
You know the signs:
sudden fatigue.
dull yet pounding headache
stomach feels bloated
I decided to go lay down. And well, you know what happened. You don't? I puked my guts out! I haven't thrown up that much in…. well, since the last time I was so sick. It wasn't pretty people. I wasn't sure it would ever end. What else is in my stomach? I haven't eaten anything else. Earlier this morning I had oatmeal with blueberries.
You know how it is when you get sick from something you ate. You just know what it is. It wasn't the celery, the berries, the milk, the bread, the dressing, the banana, the dessert……..it was the guacamole dressing on that stupid sandwich. SO AWFUL!
Needless to say I got nothing done today. I started to hang the new curtains in the master bedroom but I was just so tired! I thought about finishing my pillow sham project. But I'm just not in the mood.
Tomorrow is Sunday. The daughters and I are visiting a new church. New to us. I'll let you know how it goes.
Aloha!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Church People
Yesterday while taking down my Christmas Tree I was listening to The 700 Club. Yes, I watch that show. I admire and enjoy Terri Meuwssen, Miss America 1973. Pat Robertson? Oh, he's a kook. If you can manage to get through the first half hour, you'll be rewarded with the 2nd which is much more inspirational. Lots of interesting interviews by Miss Terri. But that's not the point.
There was a segment on a Secret Church Shopper ala Undercover Boss. This man is contacted by the ministers of different churches around the country. He shows up at a worship service incognito. He takes note of everything from the parking ease or lack thereof, landscaping, etc. to more important things like how visitors are welcomed. I assume he visits for several services over several weeks. At the end he presents the minister with a detailed report of his findings. Both good and bad. I realize church leadership can be so busy and so overloaded with responsibilities that details can be easily overlooked.
I was amazed.
Many of the things this man mentioned, I have experienced first hand.
Have I attended numerous worship services IN A ROW and no one speak? yep
Have I attended weeks and weeks of a regular small group Bible Study and yet the leader never speaks to me? Or introduces themselves? In fact, no one speaks to me? YEP AND YEP
Ironman and I attended a small group BIble Study class together for over a year. Sure we were absent here and there. But for the most part, we had showed up weekly. Not ONE PERSON spoke. Week after week after week. Ironman eventually refused to go. I stuck it out for awhile but then one fateful Sunday……… well, here's the story:
I walked into the class. Sat down on the 2nd row. The class was just about full with only a few empty seats one of them right next to me. I had scooted over on purpose. I left the seat on the end empty on purpose. For a latecomer. Yes, I try to be considerate. When I think about it. Back to my story. I was alone. Ironman, like I said, had given up and was going to meet me after class in the worship service. The lady directly in front of me was also a regular attender. This particular Sunday she was taking attendance. Why do they even still do that in churches? I have no idea. But this class did it. I guess they want to keep track of numbers? She looked at me and said,
"Is your husband coming?"
No good morning. No hello my name is…… Nothing. Just is your husband coming, I guess she at least had noticed I had a husband with me most Sundays. I don't know. I'm pretty sure she didn't know my name. She had a list on her lap. I assume it was process of elimination.
"No, he's not coming today"
And that was it. She turned back around.
Probably 10 minutes later after the leader had started the class, a man entered quietly in the back. He was late. Hey, been there! See? I knew I was thoughtful leaving an empty seat on the end of a row. He quietly moves across the room and whispers to me, "Is this seat taken?" "Oh no" I said. And I kinda scooted over just a bit. You know, moved my purse that was on the floor near my feet. That kind of stuff. He sat down. I told myself "Introduce yourself" But class was going on. The teacher was presenting his well prepared lesson. (which is the reason I kept going week after week. The teacher was prepared and smart) The seconds ticked by and I made a decision to just not say anything. Ugh.
Then Miss Attendance Taker turns and looks at me. She says something I didn't quite catch. I see her reach for her magic paper and mark my husband present.
Wait……….. hold it…….. this man right here next to me? That came in a few minutes tardy?
He's not my husband.
Have you ever NOTICED my husband? Have you ever NOTICED me? Before today? We've been attending every Sunday for OVER A STINKIN' YEAR! Oh my gosh.
That was the last straw. Sure, you could make a case that Satan was so happy that happened. And so happy that I was the first one out the door when class was over. And so happy that was was totally distracted for the rest of class. And you'd be right.
But how much should we have to endure? I mean, after a year……
And so we no longer go to a small group Bible Study. I miss it. Which is probably a big reason why I watch The 700 Club many days.
I don't think I'll ever be able to get Ironman back in a group Bible Study. Ever.
I'd like to find one. I'd like to make a new friend.
If that time comes, you can bet your sweet bippee I'll be introducing myself to people around me. I'll be saying good morning. I'll be making SURE the attendance keeper knows my name. And one more thing, Small Group Bible Study Leaders? Lose the name tags. I hate them. You think it helps learn people's names. But it doesn't. Introducing yourself and speaking to people around you is how you learn people's names. Step out out of your comfort zone. Say hello to people around you. I know you do it in the line at Target. So do it at church, ok?
Rant over.
Carry on.
There was a segment on a Secret Church Shopper ala Undercover Boss. This man is contacted by the ministers of different churches around the country. He shows up at a worship service incognito. He takes note of everything from the parking ease or lack thereof, landscaping, etc. to more important things like how visitors are welcomed. I assume he visits for several services over several weeks. At the end he presents the minister with a detailed report of his findings. Both good and bad. I realize church leadership can be so busy and so overloaded with responsibilities that details can be easily overlooked.
I was amazed.
Many of the things this man mentioned, I have experienced first hand.
Have I attended numerous worship services IN A ROW and no one speak? yep
Have I attended weeks and weeks of a regular small group Bible Study and yet the leader never speaks to me? Or introduces themselves? In fact, no one speaks to me? YEP AND YEP
Ironman and I attended a small group BIble Study class together for over a year. Sure we were absent here and there. But for the most part, we had showed up weekly. Not ONE PERSON spoke. Week after week after week. Ironman eventually refused to go. I stuck it out for awhile but then one fateful Sunday……… well, here's the story:
I walked into the class. Sat down on the 2nd row. The class was just about full with only a few empty seats one of them right next to me. I had scooted over on purpose. I left the seat on the end empty on purpose. For a latecomer. Yes, I try to be considerate. When I think about it. Back to my story. I was alone. Ironman, like I said, had given up and was going to meet me after class in the worship service. The lady directly in front of me was also a regular attender. This particular Sunday she was taking attendance. Why do they even still do that in churches? I have no idea. But this class did it. I guess they want to keep track of numbers? She looked at me and said,
"Is your husband coming?"
No good morning. No hello my name is…… Nothing. Just is your husband coming, I guess she at least had noticed I had a husband with me most Sundays. I don't know. I'm pretty sure she didn't know my name. She had a list on her lap. I assume it was process of elimination.
"No, he's not coming today"
And that was it. She turned back around.
Probably 10 minutes later after the leader had started the class, a man entered quietly in the back. He was late. Hey, been there! See? I knew I was thoughtful leaving an empty seat on the end of a row. He quietly moves across the room and whispers to me, "Is this seat taken?" "Oh no" I said. And I kinda scooted over just a bit. You know, moved my purse that was on the floor near my feet. That kind of stuff. He sat down. I told myself "Introduce yourself" But class was going on. The teacher was presenting his well prepared lesson. (which is the reason I kept going week after week. The teacher was prepared and smart) The seconds ticked by and I made a decision to just not say anything. Ugh.
Then Miss Attendance Taker turns and looks at me. She says something I didn't quite catch. I see her reach for her magic paper and mark my husband present.
Wait……….. hold it…….. this man right here next to me? That came in a few minutes tardy?
He's not my husband.
Have you ever NOTICED my husband? Have you ever NOTICED me? Before today? We've been attending every Sunday for OVER A STINKIN' YEAR! Oh my gosh.
That was the last straw. Sure, you could make a case that Satan was so happy that happened. And so happy that I was the first one out the door when class was over. And so happy that was was totally distracted for the rest of class. And you'd be right.
But how much should we have to endure? I mean, after a year……
And so we no longer go to a small group Bible Study. I miss it. Which is probably a big reason why I watch The 700 Club many days.
I don't think I'll ever be able to get Ironman back in a group Bible Study. Ever.
I'd like to find one. I'd like to make a new friend.
If that time comes, you can bet your sweet bippee I'll be introducing myself to people around me. I'll be saying good morning. I'll be making SURE the attendance keeper knows my name. And one more thing, Small Group Bible Study Leaders? Lose the name tags. I hate them. You think it helps learn people's names. But it doesn't. Introducing yourself and speaking to people around you is how you learn people's names. Step out out of your comfort zone. Say hello to people around you. I know you do it in the line at Target. So do it at church, ok?
Rant over.
Carry on.
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