I am definitely a listener. Maybe I should not say I'm a listener. I should probably say I'm a quiet sitter. I sit and enable you to talk on and on and on about yourself.
And your family.
And your dinner plans.And your pets.
I sit and pretend to listen. Of course I can't help BUT listen since you are talking right at my face.
The few times I've mentioned something about myself I'm interrupted and immediately regret even trying to join the conversation.
It's torture to me. I am bored. And frustrated. And, in a way, I feel used.
I run thoughts through my head before I say them aloud. Usually that prevents me from blurting out some boring comment. My comments, although unsaid, are just as boring or provocative as yours. I just decide in the privacy of my thoughts to keep them inside. I don't have the energy to compete.
Gosh I wish you would SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I wish you would show the same courtesy toward me as I force myself to show you.
I have one colleague that would score a big fat ZERO if given a questionnaire about me. Well, she might get 1 point for knowing my name. But other than that she knows nothing about me. She is too busy discussing her life. And I listen. Like always.
What can I do?
I can walk away. Done that.
I can pretend to be distracted. Done that, too.
I can just not open the door and invite a conversation. Yep. Done that.
I miss having a back and forth conversation.
I miss having a best friend.
I miss having things in common with another adult whom I'm not related to.
I miss being included.
I miss being noticed and considered.
I will find my place one day soon. For now I will bloom where I'm planted.
Hugs and Kisses for today.