Thursday, October 11, 2012

I"ve asked before but I'm asking again....

Are you a listener or a "teller".

I am definitely a listener.  Maybe I should not say I'm a listener.  I should probably say I'm a quiet sitter.  I sit and enable you to talk on and on and on about yourself.
And your family.
And your dinner plans.  
And your pets.

I sit and pretend to listen.  Of course I can't help BUT listen since you are talking right at my face.

The few times I've mentioned something about myself I'm interrupted and immediately regret even trying to join the conversation.

It's torture to me.  I am bored.  And frustrated.  And, in a way, I feel used.

I run thoughts through my head before I say them aloud.  Usually that prevents me from blurting out some boring comment.  My comments, although unsaid, are just as boring or provocative as yours.  I just decide in the privacy of my thoughts to keep them inside.  I don't have the energy to compete.

Gosh I wish you would SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  I wish you would show the same courtesy toward me as I force myself to show you.

I have one colleague that would score a big fat ZERO if given a questionnaire about me.  Well, she might get 1 point for knowing my name.  But other than that she knows nothing about me.  She is too busy discussing her life.  And I listen.  Like always.

What can I do?

I can walk away.  Done that.
I can pretend to be distracted.  Done that, too.
I can just not open the door and invite a conversation.  Yep.  Done that.

I'm tired.

I miss having a back and forth conversation.

I miss having a best friend.

I miss having things in common with  another adult whom I'm not related to.

I miss being included.

I miss being noticed and considered.

I will find my place one day soon.  For now I will bloom where I'm planted.

Hugs and Kisses for today.


  1. I am a quiet sitter, too. I think mine is ingrained because my Mom and sisters are talkers. It was hard to get a word in edgewise with them! I have a co-worker on Thursdays who always has thoughtful questions to ask me about my week. I love Thursdays for this reason. She is not just asking, but she is listening! I thought today, I might try to be that person to someone else. We will see if I can!

    1. I feel like I'm "That person" to everybody else!! It can be exhausting.

  2. It really depends on the situation for me, most of the time I am a sitter. Occasionally, if my ire gets built up enough, I will respond, usually in a way that reinforces the families opinion that I am anti social and boorish. Meh. I agree with wanting a friend who will listen, wish that I would be noticed and considered. It's hard basking in reflected light of one's spouse, parents or what have you... Oh, well, that's what my blog is for, I suppose... :)


    1. Yes. That is exactly right. I've grown weary of the inconsiderate ways of others. I don't mind listening. But I expect others to listen to ME every once in a while.

  3. I have friends who need me to just listen and support them, which I do, but it's not a 2-way friendship. I seem to attract people like this. The older i get, the less I'm interested in investing in new friendships. Everybody has issues and a lot of times, people are just looking for someone to help and listen. Which is fine, we all need that, but I'm at my limit with these kinds of friendships. Friendship is an emotional investment and can be exhausting!

    1. Thanks for saying that. Women especially exhaust me. I've become a master at appearing to listen and be interested while in my head I'm making a mental grocery list. Seriously: milk, eggs, butter................