Thursday, December 29, 2011


There are a few specific parts of my life I keep private.  I never speak of certain events or people.  I keep these undercover because to speak of them would make me remember.  I don't want to remember.  I don't want to deal with it.  I don't want others to know because then they'll have to deal with a new part of me.  And I'd rather not pass that burden on to anyone.

Years ago I had a Shaggy Dog.  I heard from someone this week who reminded me of that Shaggy Dog.  The voice sounded the way I remembered, but the words being said were strangely confrontational.   Part of me wanted to say, "What's with the attitude?" but the protective part of me consciously removed myself from the conversation.  I have learned to practice the art of golden silence in these situations.  Stay polite, attentive but do not add fuel to the fire.  

When the voice faded I was left to remember.  I struggled to remember anything pleasant.  Anything good.  I realized I can only remember the bad days.  I can only remember the bad feelings.

I walked around my new house and I was amazed.  Who lives here?  Whose house is this?  It's beautiful.  The family that lives here is warm and friendly and pleasant.  They love each other.  They like each other.  THEY GET ALONG!!  Wait, this is my family!  This is the family I have always dreamed about.  This is the family I prayed for year after year.

I don't have to return to the ugly days.  I don't have to remember.  I can put my past behind me and move forward.  My Lord and Savior promised me He'd stay by my side and all thing would work together for good.  Wow.  I'm so glad I trusted Him  I am thankful I had adults around me who guided and accepted me.  And to the adults who pushed me aside, I have given up the wish that it could be different.  It is what it is.

Today a decision was made.  I was not part of that decision.  Ironman got a phone call.  Why wasn't I called?  I don't know.  I guess it was easier to call him.  I'm thankful he did the talking.  I'm glad that he has my back.

As I loaded yet another load of dirty clothes into the washer, I was thankful I have a family.  As I started some supper, I was thankful there are people here who will be eating dinner with me.  As I began packing away a few Christmas Decorations, I was thankful our holiday was so festive and bright.  I was thankful for my family.  Slowly I am healing.

Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you.

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