Friday, April 13, 2012

L is for Lies

Big and fat ones, harmless and insignificant ones, even small and white - we have all told a lie sometime or the other.

So L is for liar, liar pants on fire.

I tried to really think today - which was brutal since it's Friday.  The week I thought would never end........... finally Friday.  Thinking was exhausting.  But I managed.

I thought about my lies.

Lies I consider "ordinary"  (Hey, don't judge!)  I lied at the DMV about my weight.

Daily Lies - Things I say such as "Oh, what a good idea!"  when it's not. Or "you did a nice job."  when it's a mess.  Things like that.  Because my "lie" will do much more good than the truth.

Lie of omission:  I have a good story about this one.   It's one of those epic, classic stories.  I'll make it short.

Picture this:  I'm in the 8th grade.  Earth Science Lab. UGH  DOUBLE UGH.  Right after lunch, no less.  I sat in the back every day along with 3 or 4 other girls.  Did we listen?  NOPE.  Did we write notes and draw pictures and pass them around?  What do you think?

Report Card Day with a twist.  I remember I had a B in the class.  Honestly don't know how I pulled out a B.  But under the comment section there was a "9"  Looking at the legend I see a "9" means "Teacher requests conference with parent"
Obviously I knew what that was all about.

In the '70s they distributed computer printed report cards at school to the students.  They were not mailed to parent's address.  It was well before computer grade books  parents can access  24/7.

Was I going to let Mom see that "9"?

 I folded the report card into 8ths.  Maybe even 16ths.  Stuffed it into my jeans pocket.  WASHED THE JEANS.  Threw them in the dryer.  Then WASHED THE JEANS A SECOND TIME.  Threw them in the dryer.

And then I gently pulled out the paper, unfolded it and gave it to my mother explaining that I "accidentally" washed my report card.  The paper was so distressed and the ink illegible.  But you could see the grades enough to figure them out.

Did I mention the "9"?  NO WAY

Have I ever mentioned the "9" to her?  NO WAY

Should I call her right now............ 38 years later .......... and tell her?  NO WAY

1 comment:

  1. Oh funny! I've never washed my report card, but for all the others I've been there, done that, and still do.