Feeling Awkward

Have you ever been to a social event and you felt as awkward as a middle school girl?  From the day I received the invitation I began to concoct ways to get out of going.  Maybe I'll be sick.  Maybe one of the kids will be sick.  Maybe I'm going out of town for the weekend.  Maybe I have ............... something.  Just anything to get me out of going.

Why didn't I want to go?  Because of that awful awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I haven't always been that way.  Years ago I enjoyed going out and even entertaining in my teeny tiny apartment.  Every weekend was spent full of people, places and merriment.

This time I knew I really needed to attend.  I had wiggled out of a couple of other events and this time I needed to stand up straight and go.  It wasn't like anybody would purposely embarrass me.  It wasn't like I would be among strangers.  I would know every single person there.

So I went.  Made an appetizer to take and share.  Dressed casual but crisp.  Took a deep breath.  Marched out of my door with butterflies in my stomach.  This is so silly I told myself.  You are an adult.  You know how to behave. You know etiquette.  This isn't a fancy smancy thing.

But I still felt so awkward.  The evening was fine.  Being new in the city I didn't know most of the people mentioned or the events of the past.  So I just listened.  I made an effort to be relaxed and complimentary.   Everyone and everything was fine.

I was sure glad when the first lady said she needed to be getting home.  Then the second one said she had left her kids home and they weren't happy with each other.  So I seized the opportunity to thank the hostess and mosey on out.  Happy to have survived it.  Happy to return to my space.

Will I ever out grow this awkwardness?  I don't think it shows on the outside.  Maybe it does.  It's tough to be the new girl, even as an adult.